Some warnings before we go any further. All-you-can-eat is the ONLY option at China China. Don't go expecting some gourmet a la carte feast. It's going to be quick, and it's going to be big.

Second, the price of your meal is dictated by the time you leave, not the time you arrive. And finally, choose carefully from those two little bottles of enticing marinade. Only one of them is soy. Pour the vinegar all over your egg-fried and you'll be very, very sorry.

Assuming you've got through all that without incident, well you might have a reasonable time. Especially if you've gone to an all-you-can-eat primarily to stuff your little face. There's plenty of food, a fair bit of variety, and some of it even tastes OK.

The sesame chicken's one to make the most of. There's a good range of rices, quite a few fried prawny things, and even some salad and fruit if that should take you fancy. Avoid the ludicrously gloopy red stuff though. Next time we'll take the Geiger counter to check that out properly. There's even dessert, although steer clear of the (tastless) mini donuts and don't get your hopes up too high for the cheesecake. Definitely don't bank on a good icecream either - thanks to the serving utensils being kept in a bowl of disinfectant everything tastes of carpet cleaner.

But it could be worse. A lot worse. They've done a good job of the interior (although avoid downstairs if at all possible) and everything's neat and tidy. They'll even give you a clean plate should you stop wolfing the tucker down for more then 1.3 seconds.